I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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