i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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