I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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