I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize