are you so shy because you have an std?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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