Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
