i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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