Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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