Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
