he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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