I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
