how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
