Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
