she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize