im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
