One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
