that's an acceptable place to lick
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
