Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
