my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
