shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
