ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
