You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
