Sorry, I don't speak sober.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
