my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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