Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
His hands were made for my vagina.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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