I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
