John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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