Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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