so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
