so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
