I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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