There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My cat gives me a boner
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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