no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
where are you?
Hypothermia
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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