if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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