Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
