you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
