Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
