last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
