Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
