I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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