My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
