Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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