im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
