Screwed.edu
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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