I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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