I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize