the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
