6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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