don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Rumble strips road head = magical
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
