Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize