I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
