I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
