Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
