i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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