evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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