he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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