So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize