you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I understand Curling. That high.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
