i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
