my phone needs a breathalizer
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
