The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
