I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
