so let's talk penis.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
