That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
