I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
