ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
