i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
