My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
