She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Enjoy the penises
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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